Silence
by Kafka'sdragon
Summary: Silence is not always golden. Her best friend is in the hospital and Madoka ponders what friendship means.


**A/N: Sometimes life has to grab you by the collar and slap you in the face to get your attention. Friendship should never be a word we just say, but a commitment we work at everyday. **

**As always, I don't own Negima or its characters.**

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**I sit in the waiting room and stare at the floor, my skirt, and the tops of my sneakers. The infirmary is that sterile white, and the fumes of the antiseptic cause my stomach to dip and twist as it decides whether to keep my lunch down. The others are gathered to the far side, leaving me to my thoughts. I guess they sense my need for solitude. Friends, classmates and teachers are all gathered. All of us probably wonder what went wrong. Where did we fail? 

I know I am. I've know Misa for as long as anyone I suppose. She's pretty, out going and really fun to be around. Unlike me, she is gifted with a wonderful voice. None of this "excuse me sir" when she answers the phone. Heck, she's the only one of us to have a steady boyfriend for the past three years.

I suppose I share as much blame as anyone. I saw the sign over the years but refused to acknowledge them for what they were. It started with the cutting. Little nicks really where no one would notice. God how I freaked out the first time I saw her bleeding, but she didn't seemed hurt at all so I kept my mouth shut and pretended not to see.

The binge eating came next. She would starve herself all week and then pig out on Saturday. Then she'd gag down that stuff to bring it all back up. Have to watch our figure don't we? Then there's the alcohol.

I like to party as much as everyone else, but Misa was always willing to push the envelope as far as it would go. A little sweet saki became a lot in a short time. I can't remember the number of times I covered for her as she stayed in our room with a hangover.

But coming home this evening … I knew something was seriously wrong. Misa had broken up with her boyfriend, though according to Haruna, he dumped her. I saw the blood in the sink and knew this wasn't a nick. She sat on the toilet and watched as each drop of blood fell from the gash in her arm.

I grabbed a towel to wrap around her wound and she struggled to stop me. She cried, she screamed, she threatened, and she even struck me. Worst of all Misa said I wasn't her friend and that I didn't care about her. Luckily Sakurako heard us and called for help. Now we sit in the infirmary and wait.

A pair of strange, black shoes park themselves next to mine. I try to ignore them, but they refuse to leave. I look up to see Zazie-san standing in front of me. She holds out a sheet of lined paper and insists with her eyes. Perhaps she'll leave me alone if I take the paper. I read the neatly copied words.

We sat around the radio at our little seaside cottage

The man spoke of the need to purify ourselves

Expunge all foreign elements that contaminated the nation

I listened and I kept silent

One day my neighbors began to disappeared

They'd greet me in the morning and be gone by afternoon

I wondered for a moment then went about my life

All the while I kept silent

Old men sharpened their ancient sword blades

While young men drilled on the school's playground

The radio spewed our sacred right for living space

Still I kept silent

They plunged the world into madness

Piling atrocity upon atrocity like Ossa upon Pelion

Until they scraped the very gates of heaven

I hunkered down in the darkness of my soul and kept silent

How many felt as I did, a single voice could not be heard

How many bit their tongues and condoned by lack of action

Six million and more atrocities occurred

And the worst was I kept silent

I glance back up at her and Zazie-san smiles that enigmatic smile of hers. For someone who never says a word, she makes a lot of sense.

Footsteps sound as the doctor, wearing his clean, white coat, walks in. As one we hold our breaths. "Kakizaki-san is out of danger," he announces and we breathe a collective sigh of relief.

"Can she have visitors?" a hesitant voice asks. I think it was Ako.

"She's been given a sedative," the doctor informs us, "to help her rest."

"May I see her?" I ask.

Negi-sensei speaks up. "Kugimiya-san is her roommate," he tells the doctor. "She's the one who found Kakizaki-san first."

The doctor agrees and I step into the room. The door clicks softly behind me. Misa lies asleep on the hospital bed, her face seems so peaceful. I walk over to her as quietly as possible but with all of the beeps and whirls of the machines, I don't think she could hear me. Her wrists are strapped down to the bed.

"I'm sorry Misa," I whisper. "I'm sorry for all of the times I should have spoken up but didn't."

I feel the burning around my eyes as I continue. "I'm sorry for letting you down when I should have stood by you."

The tears begin their slide along the sides of my face and the scar on her arm stares at me, accusing me of my neglect. "Most of all I'm sorry for not being your friend until today."

Then I do something I never have before, I bend over and kiss her on the mouth. "I love you," I tell her in a voice scarcely loud enough for me to hear. "And I don't ever want to lose you."

The nurse comes for me too soon as I walk back into the waiting area. A hand holds out a tissue for me and I dab my eyes dry. We depart as a troop and make our way back to the dormitory. Though the trip is a long one, I am not alone. And when Misa is ready to resume hers, she won't be either.


End file.
